Courage, dear heart
Every morning I wake up feeling incredulous. This is the kind of thing happens to other people, in other countries; I'm stumped by my own hubris. The footage of a deserted Wuhan and news that the virus was spreading was unsettling but I assumed that my little world...
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The Virus
This week I had planned to publish my usual content around mental health but in the context of the Coronavirus pandemic, it feels inappropriate. Like millions of us, I'm constantly washing my hands and keeping the house scrupulously clean while listening to the...
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Awakening
I'm currently trying to make positive choices, like doing my best to get up early and meditate every day, keeping my house tidier and curtailing my scrolling time. I frequently fail but setting small goals can accumulate and bring about a more significant change....
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Still Dry
Last January I decided to give up alcohol for good. I've written about this subject a couple of times here on the blog and I realised I'm due an update. It was a difficult choice that I'd put off for years, but it had finally become clear that if I was serious...
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Enough
Most of the time I do a pretty good job of appearing confident; I put on a convincing veneer of self-assurance but, for as long as I can remember, I've felt that I am not quite good enough. According to my own unachievable standards, I'm not successful enough, not...
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Winter Remedies
In my fashion journalist days, I would start the new year with a post on the best buys in the January sales. When I wrote about retail I would often feel dispirited because I felt that my work wasn't meaningful. It would be more lucrative to write about shopping,...
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How to Survive Christmas
As 2019 draws to a close, I've been reflecting on this last year. My mental health was in a pretty dire state for the first few months, but I am now firmly in recovery and feeling more optimistic about the future. Recovery is certainly not linear but it is...
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Life Behind the Squares
Since the explosion of social media and the rise of the influencer, online personas are big business and can be very lucrative for those who command legions of followers. There are problems with this and it's common knowledge that social media can have a...
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Let it Linger
It's been a while since I have written about grief here on the blog, but recently it has been playing on my mind. It has become easier with time and the sharp edges of my loss have become blunted, like a piece of glass smoothed by the sea. Grief ebbs and flows and...
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Chemtrails
I write about my bipolar, eating disorder and addictions on regular basis and sometimes I fear my readers might assume that I'm pessimistic and maudlin. When I'm well, which is most of the time these days, I'm pretty cheerful. The trouble with talking about mental...
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Prevent and Prevail
After a long period of relatively decent mental health, I've noticed a dip in my mood and a spike in my anxiety. I've been here enough times before to know that soon enough, I will feel calmer. In the past, relatively small incidents have triggered much larger,...
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Labels
It took a long time for me to become comfortable with my bipolar; when I was diagnosed, six years ago, I went into shock. After the psychiatrist delivered the news with icy detachment, my blood ran cold and I broke into a sweat. He gave me a prescription and...
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Skin Deep
A few years ago I developed acne, primarily due to stress. It flared up in the last few months of my dad's life, became very bad when he died and it hung around for a few years afterwards. It became worse during periods of pressure; when I was writing my book my...
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Heartbreak on the Doorstep
A few of weeks ago, I was walking home after dinner with a friend when I heard someone crying. I carried on walking but something made me stop in my tracks. I stood still, listening to this person weeping their heart out and felt compelled to go back; they might be...
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Tales from the Psych Unit
Today is World Suicide prevention day and in its honour, I am going to share a rather personal story. It is so important that we become comfortable talking about this very difficult and painful subject because while it is shrouded in secrecy and shame, more people...
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Tribute to a Therapist
My therapist of 16 years died last month. She had been fighting cancer for a long time and, from what I understand, she was ready to go. I was both expecting and dreading the news. I knew she was dying but nothing can soften the heart-dropping reality that someone...
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The Face in the Smartphone
I always assumed that I couldn't wear yellow. This dress from Kitri is out of my comfort zone given its colour, empire line and lack of print. I feel a little odd wearing it, even though it is pretty on brand for me; a long, 70s inspired dress isn't exactly...
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High and Dry
It's been over six months since I went sober and it's something I'm frequently asked about. People assume that I must have an iron will not to succumb to the temptation of a delicious, mollifying glass of wine. I guess that's true to some extent but the reason I...
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‘Mastering the art of what I have left’
It was a muggy Saturday afternoon and I felt bleary and bewildered after being up all night with a fractious toddler. I was on my way to interview a woman named Heidi Herkes who I’d never met before. She’d had been introduced by a mutual friend over email. My...
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Recovery
In my last blog post, I wrote about my recent eating disorder relapse. I received so many lovely and supportive comments and I appreciated every one. As I progress through my recovery, I realise it is not a linear process and there have been several bumps along the...
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My eating disorder and me
After a long period of poor mental health, I am now on the way to recovery. I have briefly mentioned that I've not been well, here on the blog and on my social media channels, but I didn't want to write about it at length until I felt things have settled down. I...
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The Acceptance Process
I realised a long time ago that I don't really fit in anywhere. In my various roles as a fashion blogger, actor, author, I've always felt a little out of place. When I was at secondary school I tried to blend in and I did a reasonable job of camouflaging my...
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At Last
I am finally emerging from a very dark spell of mental illness and it's a relief to return to relative equilibrium. I can see my life with some clarity; it's by no means perfect and I still have my fair share of shit to deal with, but I'm well enough to recognise...
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The Mask
A few months ago, I recorded an episode of Greifcast with Cariad Llyod. Every week, Cariad interviews a different comedian, actor, musician or writer about their experiences of death and grief. It's one of my favourite podcasts and I find listening to other...
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Dearly Remembered
Monday April 29th marked the 5th anniversary of my Dad's death, I can't believe it's been that long. Grief has become a little easier with the passing of time; I remember him with deep affection when I think of how funny he was or recognise his smile on my son's...
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Be here, now.
I was in a strange mood when these photos were taken. Despite the beauty of the surrounding cherry blossom, I felt pensive and not altogether present. My detachment from reality probably explains why I chose a 70s vintage dress that wouldn't be out of place in a...
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The Upside
My mental health has not been great recently, I've alluded to this in previous blog posts but I don't want to share the details yet because I'm still going through it. Now I've stopped drinking, I've removed a whole spectrum of troublesome behaviour that could...
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Open Doors
I often write about how clothes make me feel, in the context of my mental health. Sometimes I worry this is a little trite, given the severity of my bipolar and various other disorders. After all, putting on a dress is no substitute for proper treatment. However, I...
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The Fear
I often feel anxious and worry about a stack of things, most of which I cannot control. I fret constantly about my career, being a freelancer isn't great if you have perpetual anxiety. I angst about my son and how he will manage when he first goes to school and...
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Love After Death
For one reason or another, I'm speaking a lot about grief at the moment. Yesterday I was interviewed on Build Series, with James Dunmore and Nick Ede, discussing the complicated issue of death and the grieving process. Tonight I'll be speaking at a live event at...
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Goodbye Wine
I have recently made the decision to give up alcohol for the sake of my mental health. I've been keeping a mood diary and I've noticed that every time I drink, even moderately, I spend the next few days feeling down and agonising about stupid things that I can't...
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The Strong Tears
Last week Andy Murray held an emotional press conference, announcing that the Australian Open may be his last tournament, due to an ongoing hip injury. Hiding behind his baseball cap, his voice quavering, he revealed that he has been in constant pain for 20 months....
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New Year – Same You
At the start of the New Year, it's customary to make resolutions; lose weight, stop smoking, drink moderately, learn a new language, or any other number of things. I used to pledge to make changes every year, only to spectacularly fail by the start of February. The...
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How to Survive Christmas
2018 is nearly over and I can't quite believe it's gone by so quickly. It's been a mixed bag of a year, with some highs and a few lows and I won't be too sorry to see the back of it. Before that, there is the business of Christmas, which can be a struggle if you...
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Self Love Liv
Social media is often blamed for damaging our collective mental health, there are multiple examples of how Instagram, Facebook, Watsapp and Twitter have caused harm. However social media has has become an intrinsic part of society and altered our lives...
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Something Good
I've been looking back over my blog, trying to summarise it for collaboration with another blogger. It's been quite a journey from writing almost exclusively about fashion, to the content I write now. I don't share absolutely everything about my life with Bipolar...
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Newcomers Welcome
Last week I had a conversation with a woman on Facebook who misunderstood the intention of my previous blog post. She took umbrage with the way I had described my own experience of mental illness and to be fair, I hadn't prefaced the post with my diagnosis of...
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How to Be There
The other day a dear friend of mine asked that I write something on how to be there for someone who is living with a mental illness. I've been having a hard time with my mental health recently and he said that he wanted to help but wasn't sure of the best way to go...
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The Birthday
Today would have been my Dad's 76th birthday. I've recently written about how painful I find my grief, even after 4 and a half years. I keep waiting for it to get easier and it just doesn't. But today, I want to remember who he was and not only morn his loss. My...
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How it feels
Anyone with a mental illness will probably be familiar with the well-meaning but misguided comments from friends, family and colleagues. People with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder have to listen to those without the condition saying that they're 'a bit OCD' because...
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Scent and the Mind
In my last blog post I wrote about how the grief for my Dad has become very painful again. I've had a lot of support from not only my friends but also people I don't know who've got in touch via social media. I really appreciate it, thank you. It seems fitting that...
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When Pain Comes Back
For a long time, the grieving process has been going about its business quietly, pottering along in tandem with my life. The sharp edges became blunt and although the void my Dad left was still vast, I could live with it. But over the past few weeks, for no...
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Confidence Tricks
This week I've learnt a few lessons about self-confidence. To an outside eye, I probably appear pretty self-assured; I'm very comfortable on stage and on camera and I'm happy to speak in public. But at my core, I'm actually somewhat shy. I often find myself...
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Bare Bones
Over the years, the fashion industry has earned a lot of criticism for using extremely thin models. It seems that the debate over skinny models has been raging since the 90s and the advent of heroine chic, with good reason. The average runway model is 5"9 to 5"11,...
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Self-Care vs Self-Medication
It has occurred to me that some people may feel excluded from my content around mental health, as not everyone has a mental illness. However, I would suggest that taking appropriate care of one's mental health is helpful for all of us. You don't have to have a...
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How to Survive in a Mad World
Earlier this week I wrote about why it can be hard to talk about mental health. Even though I've written extensively and openly about having bipolar, and other auxiliary conditions, I still find it difficult to be honest about how I really feel. I know this is...
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The Eternal Queen
Usually when a celebrity dies it doesn't affect me much. I might briefly think that the news is sad when the death is announced, but that's usually the end of it. However, I was moved when I heard that Aretha Franklin had past away at the age of 76. It's only when...
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Body Talk
I recently went on holiday to Greece with my family. Travelling with a 14 month old who's just learnt to walk meant the trip wasn't that restful, but it was lovely to get away nonetheless. Although I wanted to focus on enjoying time with my son on our first holiday...
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How to cope with shame
Over the past couple of years, I've found that talking openly about my mental health has lessened my feelings of shame. I have Bipolar type 2 and I used to suffer from eating disorders and trichotillomania, just for good measure. For those who don't know,...
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About a Boy
Although I sometimes mention motherhood on my blog, I haven’t discussed it in much detail. My boy turned 1 in May and since my his birthday I've been thinking about how this first year has been. I put off having a baby for a years, primarily because my Dad was...
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Deadly Apathy
I was on the tube yesterday afternoon, travelling home from an appointment in East London. The train pulled into West Ham station where a group of young men boarded. There were three hulking lads in their late teens, and a teacher who was about my age. One of them...
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Toxic Positivity
I was sad and dismayed to hear of Anthony Bourdain's suicide last week, just a few days after Kate Spade took her own life. Two celebrities dying by their own hand in one week is further proof that mental illness does not discriminate and the trappings of fame and...
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Kate Spade
I was sad to hear of Kate Spade's passing this morning. The iconic designer was found dead in her Park Avenue home by her housekeeper. Spade's death is being treated as an apparent suicide and a note was found in her apartment. When a celebrity commits suicide, the...
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Twinkle Twinkle
I've written about I was diagnosed with Bipolar in 2013, and when I had a nervous breakdown in 2009. It occurred to me that both of those incidents were at times of crisis and rather dramatic as a result. Whilst it's been therapeutic for me to write about these...
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Fashion for Mental Health
I've often wondered if fashion can be a force for good, particularly in relation to mental health. Many people would argue that fashion is an insatiable monster of commerce, continually producing an irresponsible amount of product at the expense of its workers and...
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Alternative Minds
Next week I’ll be performing 213 Things About Me at the Battersea Arts Centre, a show that tells the story of an autistic woman who committed suicide at the age of thirty six. Although it’s certainly tragic, 213 is also a dark comedy. The woman who the character is...
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The Darkest Hour
Since including content around mental health on this blog, I’ve revealed a lot about myself. My motivation is to be helpful, but of course there are things I’ve kept back and I’ll never tell absolutely everything. However, it’s with trepidation that I’m going to...
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On the Spectrum
At the start of May I’ll heading to south London again to play Rose in 213 Things About Me at the Battersea Arts Centre. After a short run of sold out scratch performances last November, the lovely people at the BAC have asked us to come back and do a short run of...
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Let’s talk about meds baby
Since my Bipolar diagnosis in 2013, I've realised that there is a lot of stigma around medication; most of which is based on the assumption that taking meds is fundamentally unhealthy. Although the subject is complicated to say the least, I'd like to share my...
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Gunning for Mental Health
Another week. Another school shooting in America. I was surprised to find out that the Parkland massacre is the 18th gun related incident in a school is the US this year, apparently these occurrences are so common now that they don't make the news. It seems it is...
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Sign of the times
I've been meaning to write about the #MeToo and the #TimesUp movement for a while, but I wanted to give this blog post the time it deserved rather than churning out something glib and rushed. Along with pretty much every other woman I know, I shared #MeToo across...
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213 Things About Me
Since giving birth to my son in May, this blog has taken a more personal direction. I didn’t think I could get much more personal than my book, in which I chronicled my life with my dad. Writing about him so soon after he’d died was challenging to say the least. I...
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Thinspirations
It has been far too long since my last blog post, when I promised that I'd write about mental health as I think discussing the subject openly is helpful. Soon after I wrote those posts I suffered a bout of mental ill health. I had postnatal depression, followed by...
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Girl on the Pull
In my last post, I wrote about my bipolar diagnosis. I'd like to take the opportunity to thank everyone who commented and gave such positive feedback. I was a little nervous about laying myself bare, but the response was unexpected and lovely. I will continue with...
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Bipolar and Me
In a post I published earlier this week, I said that I would be discussing issues around mental health and my own experiences. I hope that by doing so, I might play a very tiny role in reducing the stigma and shame that surrounds mental...
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Back in Business
Last month, I gave birth to a baby boy who we named Charlie. He’s now 6 weeks old and I feel ready to start writing again. I’ve taken a longer hiatus than I intended, but I found during the last few weeks of pregnancy I was unable to concentrate on...
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Take a Stand
I've often heard older people say they were surprised they saw a black president in their lifetime. Now, I feel astonishment that I've seen a despotic demagogue in mine; I'd naively assumed that a man like Trump would never find himself in the Oval Office. I also...
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March for Freedom
Donald Trump is in the news every day and the stories are becoming increasingly absurd. Alec Baldwin recently said that Trump is the head writer at Saturday Night Live, as the man with orange skin spins comedy gold every time he opens his mouth. However, as his...
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Who’s country is it anyway?
Anyone who's read my blog recently will know I'm very concerned about the political shift to the far right. Neo-Nazism is rearing its ugly head all over Europe and the US. Footage hasd emerged of Richard Spencer, leader of white supremacist group the National...
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The World We live in
I've been the thinking about the world I want to live in. I'm reminded of when I went on holiday this summer with my family. It was a few weeks after the Brexit vote and there was an atmosphere of tense uncertainty. I sat with my mother on a bench at Heathrow and...
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Dark Ages
I went to bed last night hoping to wake up to a world with Hillary Clinton as president. The news that the US has chosen a homophobic, racist, sexist, megalomaniacal, demagogue is calamitous, but not surprising. Post Brexit, it's clear we are living in a dark age...
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2016: Annus Horribilis?
2016 isn't over yet and it has already been a tumultuous and frightening year. The world of European and American of politics have been dominated by Brexit and the US elections. Donald Trump's performances in the Presidential Debates were inept and petulant. His...
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Burkini Beach
People often comment on the clothes I wear, but I don't mind what people think of my look. I know my style is somewhat attention grabbing, so I expect comments (positive or negative) as a par for the course. Living in a Western, cosmopolitan city like London,...
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The Promise
I haven't written anything personal for a while, but what I have to say might be useful. It's been over two years since my Dad died. I've noticed that I've entered a new stage in the grieving process and I'm starting to recover. I think of grief more as a journey...
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In defence of Political Correctness
Since the Brexit vote a few weeks ago, it seems there has been something tragic and worrying in the news every day. The appalling bombings in Baghdad by ISIS, the escalating tragedy of police shootings in the US, and the racism on our home turf. And of course, the...
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The Great Mistake
I woke up this morning and scrabbled to turn on the TV, only to learn the news that the UK has voted to leave the European Union. I then opened my laptop and flicked through my Facebook feed, there was not one post celebrating the result. Everyone is dismayed,...
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United we stand: Divided we fall
Today is one of the most pivotal days in recent British history. I will be voting to stay in the European Union, but I won't go on about the reasons why. There has been so much coverage and discussion about the pros and cons that my argument seems superfluous. What...
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We are United
As if the massacre in Orlando wasn't enough, the brutal murder of Jo Cox is another blow against liberty and tolerance. In both cases, a mentally unwell individual committed a terrible crime, spurred on by hateful ideologies. Of course, there are unstable...
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Jo Cox
I was going to post something else this morning, but I feel I can't ignore the murder of Jo Cox. A woman with such compassion and integrity being snatched away is an unbearable tragedy. My thoughts are with her family and...
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Remebering Orlando
The barbaric shooting in a gay club in Orlando a few days ago was tragic and egregious, but a sadly frequent occurrence in the US. To a British sensibility, American gun laws seem like an absurd paradox. The NRA and many members of Congress extol the second...
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Hack Worries
Sheridan Smith has been in the news recently after her absence during the run of Funny Girl at the Savoy Theatre. The press have had a field day with lines like ‘Concerns raised for fragile Sheridan’, ‘Smith's worrying behaviour’ or 'Vulnerable Sheridan pulls out...
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How to cope with heartbreak
A dear friend of mine has recently gone through a break-up. We've talked about it extensively and analysed the situation from every angle. This helps her work through the feelings and gives her a little perspective. I could offer her the clichéd platitudes that are...
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Two Years
This week has been a manic flurry of interviews and publicity for my book. Promo is very tiring and I've been neglecting my blog, so apologies for that. Today marks the two year anniversary since Dad died; in some ways it seems as though it was a lifetime ago, but...
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There is Nothin’ like a dame
This week I’ll be trekking all over the place, promoting the book. Today I was on BBC Breakfast, and then I did a Radio Manchester interview. There are lots of other appointments this week, but I’ll write about them as and when. In the mean time I thought I’d share...
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It’s All Going Wonderfully Well: Published Today
Today, my book is being published and I can't believe it's finally happening. There were days when it felt as though the work would never end, and others when it was a pure delight. Visiting my Dad's friends and colleagues was were highlights of the project;...
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Bare Naked Ladies
Kim Kardashian has recently attempted to 'break the internet' once again, with a couple of nude selfies. I don't have a problem with people sharing naked, or scantily clad shots of themselves; if an adult in full command of their mental and emotional capacity...
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The understated Evils of Passive Agression
I've heard it said that with age, people tend to mellow. I've found this to be true to some extent, however I've become more intolerant of certain behaviours. Spitting in the street, over using the words 'basically' and 'obviously' are a couple of things I find...
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Heroes
I was very sad to hear that David Bowie passed away. Celebrity deaths don't usually effect me, but Bowie is different. There are precious few singers whose music becomes the soundtrack to one's life, every stage is documented by their songs. It's sometimes hard to...
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Imagine
I've been listening to John Lennon's 'Imagine' over the past few days. Written during the Cold War, Lennon's message is as pertinent now as it was 45 years ago. The senseless acts of terror in Paris last Friday night are tragic and horrifying, but not altogether...
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#RefugeesWelcome
I'm sometimes reticent about including news commentary in my blog - it seems trite and inappropriate to include large scale human tragedy in amongst fluffy fashion writing. However, I feel I can't ignore the refugee crisis in Europe. The pitiful image of...
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Rainbow Bright
To continue my rainbow themed outfit posts this week, I've dug out an old favourite. I bought this dress from Warehouse, years ago when I was with my best friend. I certainly need didn't another frock, but he talked me into getting it - not that I required much...
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To commemorate the momentous ruling in the US to legalise same-sex marriage, my outfit posts this week will be of a rainbow hue. I found this little 80s vintage treat hiding out in my closet ( tired old pun intended). It's tempting to write an obvious piece...
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I have certain daily rituals that make me feel good, exercising at home is one of them. I use a website called Fitness Blender; the videos vary from benign yoga to barbarous HIIT cardio and weight training. When I'm done with the hard core workouts I can taste...
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The Big Smoke
When I become fixated on something I find it hard to shift. For example, my current preoccupation with a 70's inspired bohemia has set in and I'm unlikely to move onto something else for ages. A soft, free-floating look calls for something tough to ground it....
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Make-up Therapy
I rarely get time to myself, even though I work from home a lot, I'm usually occupied with the business of writing my book. Anyone who's written a book will understand how tiring the process is - to quote Ernest Hemingway, 'There's nothing to writing. All you do is...
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Beauty Blush
In the last few years I've become a beauty junky; I'm always on the lookout for the next hot product. Clarins Instant Concealer is a recent find and it's brilliant for disguising the murky shadows under my eyes. Right now I'm hankering after a radiant cream blush...
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Bare Faced Cheek
Some of the men in my life have recently insisted I look better without make-up. Whilst it's a flattering assertion, I'm not sure I believe them. It seems absurd that old acne scars, grey shadows lurking around my eyes and sparse, droopy lashes could be preferable...
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Modern Marilyn
Marilyn Monroe has been appointed the new global ambassador for Max Factor. I'm not sure what I think about Marilyn's posthumous new job - particularly as the brand is taking credit for the iconic Marilyn 'look'. This is a dubious claim with little corroborative...
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January Blues Makeup
January sucks. No matter how I try to put a positive spin on the first month of the year, it's inevitably rubbish. Rather than shoehorning myself into a fake good mood, I've decided to embrace January and wallow in the wistful melancholy of winter. I'm hauled up at...
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