At Last
I am finally emerging from a very dark spell of mental illness and it's a relief to return to relative equilibrium. I can see my life with some clarity; it's by no means perfect and I still have my fair share of shit to deal with, but I'm well enough to recognise...
Read
The Mask
A few months ago, I recorded an episode of Greifcast with Cariad Llyod. Every week, Cariad interviews a different comedian, actor, musician or writer about their experiences of death and grief. It's one of my favourite podcasts and I find listening to other...
Read
Be here, now.
I was in a strange mood when these photos were taken. Despite the beauty of the surrounding cherry blossom, I felt pensive and not altogether present. My detachment from reality probably explains why I chose a 70s vintage dress that wouldn't be out of place in a...
Read
The Upside
My mental health has not been great recently, I've alluded to this in previous blog posts but I don't want to share the details yet because I'm still going through it. Now I've stopped drinking, I've removed a whole spectrum of troublesome behaviour that could...
Read
Open Doors
I often write about how clothes make me feel, in the context of my mental health. Sometimes I worry this is a little trite, given the severity of my bipolar and various other disorders. After all, putting on a dress is no substitute for proper treatment. However, I...
Read
The Fear
I often feel anxious and worry about a stack of things, most of which I cannot control. I fret constantly about my career, being a freelancer isn't great if you have perpetual anxiety. I angst about my son and how he will manage when he first goes to school and...
Read
Goodbye Wine
I have recently made the decision to give up alcohol for the sake of my mental health. I've been keeping a mood diary and I've noticed that every time I drink, even in very moderate quantities, I spend the next few days feeling down and agonising about stupid...
Read
The Strong Tears
Last week Andy Murray held an emotional press conference, announcing that the Australian Open may be his last tournament, due to an ongoing hip injury. Hiding behind his baseball cap, his voice quavering, he revealed that he has been in constant pain for 20 months....
Read
New Year – Same You
At the start of the New Year, it's customary to make resolutions; lose weight, stop smoking, drink moderately, learn a new language, or any other number of things. I used to pledge to make changes every year, only to spectacularly fail by the start of February. The...
Read
How to Survive Christmas
2018 is nearly over and I can't quite believe it's gone by so quickly. It's been a mixed bag of a year, with some highs and a few lows and I won't be too sorry to see the back of it. Before that, there is the business of Christmas, which can be a struggle if you...
Read
Self Love Liv
Social media is often blamed for damaging our collective mental health, there are multiple examples of how Instagram, Facebook, Watsapp and Twitter have caused harm. However social media has has become an intrinsic part of society and altered our lives...
Read
Something Good
I've been looking back over my blog, trying to summarise it for collaboration with another blogger. It's been quite a journey from writing almost exclusively about fashion, to the content I write now. I don't share absolutely everything about my life with Bipolar...
Read
Newcomers Welcome
Last week I had a conversation with a woman on Facebook who misunderstood the intention of my previous blog post. She took umbrage with the way I had described my own experience of mental illness and to be fair, I hadn't prefaced the post with my diagnosis of...
Read
How to Be There
The other day a dear friend of mine asked that I write something on how to be there for someone who is living with a mental illness. I've been having a hard time with my mental health recently and he said that he wanted to help but wasn't sure of the best way to go...
Read
The Birthday
Today would have been my Dad's 76th birthday. I've recently written about how painful I find my grief, even after 4 and a half years. I keep waiting for it to get easier and it just doesn't. But today, I want to remember who he was and not only morn his loss. My...
Read
How it feels
Anyone with a mental illness will probably be familiar with the well-meaning but misguided comments from friends, family and colleagues. People with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder have to listen to those without the condition saying that they're 'a bit OCD' because...
Read
Scent and the Mind
In my last blog post I wrote about how the grief for my Dad has become very painful again. I've had a lot of support from not only my friends but also people I don't know who've got in touch via social media. I really appreciate it, thank you. It seems fitting that...
Read
Confidence Tricks
This week I've learnt a few lessons about self-confidence. To an outside eye, I probably appear pretty self-assured; I'm very comfortable on stage and on camera and I'm happy to speak in public. But at my core, I'm actually somewhat shy. I often find myself...
Read
Self-Care vs Self-Medication
It has occurred to me that some people may feel excluded from my content around mental health, as not everyone has a mental illness. However, I would suggest that taking appropriate care of one's mental health is helpful for all of us. You don't have to have a...
Read
How to Survive in a Mad World
Earlier this week I wrote about why it can be hard to talk about mental health. Even though I've written extensively and openly about having bipolar, and other auxiliary conditions, I still find it difficult to be honest about how I really feel. I know this is...
Read
Body Talk
I recently went on holiday to Greece with my family. Travelling with a 14 month old who's just learnt to walk meant the trip wasn't that restful, but it was lovely to get away nonetheless. Although I wanted to focus on enjoying time with my son on our first holiday...
Read
How to cope with shame
Over the past couple of years, I've found that talking openly about my mental health has lessened my feelings of shame. I have Bipolar type 2 and I used to suffer from eating disorders and trichotillomania, just for good measure. For those who don't know,...
Read
About a Boy
Although I sometimes mention motherhood on my blog, I haven’t discussed it in much detail. My boy turned 1 in May and since my his birthday I've been thinking about how this first year has been. I put off having a baby for a years, primarily because my Dad was...
Read
Toxic Positivity
I was sad and dismayed to hear of Anthony Bourdain's suicide last week, just a few days after Kate Spade took her own life. Two celebrities dying by their own hand in one week is further proof that mental illness does not discriminate and the trappings of fame and...
Read
Kate Spade
I was sad to hear of Kate Spade's passing this morning. The iconic designer was found dead in her Park Avenue home by her housekeeper. Spade's death is being treated as an apparent suicide and a note was found in her apartment. When a celebrity commits suicide, the...
Read
Twinkle Twinkle
I've written about I was diagnosed with Bipolar in 2013, and when I had a nervous breakdown in 2009. It occurred to me that both of those incidents were at times of crisis and rather dramatic as a result. Whilst it's been therapeutic for me to write about these...
Read
Fashion for Mental Health
I've often wondered if fashion can be a force for good, particularly in relation to mental health. Many people would argue that fashion is an insatiable monster of commerce, continually producing an irresponsible amount of product at the expense of its workers and...
Read
Alternative Minds
Next week I’ll be performing 213 Things About Me at the Battersea Arts Centre, a show that tells the story of an autistic woman who committed suicide at the age of thirty six. Although it’s certainly tragic, 213 is also a dark comedy. The woman who the character is...
Read
The Darkest Hour
Since including content around mental health on this blog, I’ve revealed a lot about myself. My motivation is to be helpful, but of course there are things I’ve kept back and I’ll never tell absolutely everything. However, it’s with trepidation that I’m going to...
Read
Let’s talk about meds baby
Since my Bipolar diagnosis in 2013, I've realised that there is a lot of stigma around medication; most of which is based on the assumption that taking meds is fundamentally unhealthy. Although the subject is complicated to say the least, I'd like to share my...
Read
Gunning for Mental Health
Another week. Another school shooting in America. I was surprised to find out that the Parkland massacre is the 18th gun related incident in a school is the US this year, apparently these occurrences are so common now that they don't make the news. It seems it is...
Read
213 Things About Me
Since giving birth to my son in May, this blog has taken a more personal direction. I didn’t think I could get much more personal than my book, in which I chronicled my life with my dad. Writing about him so soon after he’d died was challenging to say the least. I...
Read
Thinspirations
It has been far too long since my last blog post, when I promised that I'd write about mental health as I think discussing the subject openly is helpful. Soon after I wrote those posts I suffered a bout of mental ill health. I had postnatal depression, followed by...
Read
Girl on the Pull
In my last post, I wrote about my bipolar diagnosis. I'd like to take the opportunity to thank everyone who commented and gave such positive feedback. I was a little nervous about laying myself bare, but the response was unexpected and lovely. I will continue with...
Read
Bipolar and Me
In a post I published earlier this week, I said that I would be discussing issues around mental health and my own experiences. I hope that by doing so, I might play a very tiny role in reducing the stigma and shame that surrounds mental...
Read
Back in Business
Last month, I gave birth to a baby boy who we named Charlie. He’s now 6 weeks old and I feel ready to start writing again. I’ve taken a longer hiatus than I intended, but I found during the last few weeks of pregnancy I was unable to concentrate on...
Read
Home Workouts
I have certain daily rituals that make me feel good, exercising at home is one of them. I use a website called Fitness Blender; the videos vary from benign yoga to barbarous HIIT cardio and weight training. When I'm done with the hard core workouts I can taste...
Read
The Big Smoke
When I become fixated on something I find it hard to shift. For example, my current preoccupation with a 70's inspired bohemia has set in and I'm unlikely to move onto something else for ages. A soft, free-floating look calls for something tough to ground it....
Read
Make-up Therapy
I rarely get time to myself, even though I work from home a lot, I'm usually occupied with the business of writing my book. Anyone who's written a book will understand how tiring the process is - to quote Ernest Hemingway, 'There's nothing to writing. All you do is...
Read
Beauty Blush
In the last few years I've become a beauty junky; I'm always on the lookout for the next hot product. Clarins Instant Concealer is a recent find and it's brilliant for disguising the murky shadows under my eyes. Right now I'm hankering after a radiant cream blush...
Read
Bare Faced Cheek
Some of the men in my life have recently insisted I look better without make-up. Whilst it's a flattering assertion, I'm not sure I believe them. It seems absurd that old acne scars, grey shadows lurking around my eyes and sparse, droopy lashes could be preferable...
Read
Modern Marilyn
Marilyn Monroe has been appointed the new global ambassador for Max Factor. I'm not sure what I think about Marilyn's posthumous new job - particularly as the brand is taking credit for the iconic Marilyn 'look'. This is a dubious claim with little corroborative...
Read
January Blues Makeup
January sucks. No matter how I try to put a positive spin on the first month of the year, it's inevitably rubbish. Rather than shoehorning myself into a fake good mood, I've decided to embrace January and wallow in the wistful melancholy of winter. I'm hauled up at...
Read
Smoke House
Over the last couple of years I have become obsessed with makeup, in fact a friend of a friend who has been following my blog asked if I had indulged in a little plastic surgery. This isn't true, I haven't gone under the knife or had botox. I think the reason why...
Read
Wine-Oh
There's something about Autumn that calls for dark lipstick. Merlot and berry shades feel too heavy for summer but the as the nights draw in and halloween being around the corner, it's the perfect time for gothic lipstick. I personally like a matt finish - I've...
Read
Musical Makeup
When I put my makeup on I always listen to music and end up singing at full belt. It's a little disconcerting for whoever happens to be in the house - I'm a one-person gospel choir. I love this track by Ray Charles because it reminds me of my best friend. I've done...
Read
Smokey eyes for dummies
I love applying makeup - the ritual of sitting in front of the mirror and preparing for the day ahead gives me a moment to collect my (often scattered ) thoughts and gives me a tranquil breathing space. However, I'm rather hamfisted and lack the dexterous hands of...
Read
The Skin I live in
Since my early 20's I've been prone to regular outbreaks of angry red spots. The insidious pustules bloomed across my cheeks and forehead at times of stress or as a penance for partying into the wee small hours. Said stress was often relieved by nocturnal...
Read
11 Lessons from my Dad
My darling Dad has died. I loved him to the ends of the earth and he loved me back just the same. These are the lessons he taught me, I will keep them close to my heart and remind myself of them whenever I stumble or falter. They are his words; the words spoken so...
Read
Hello Dolly
In recent months, 'no makeup' selfies have sprouted up all over the internet, their purpose is to raise awareness of breast cancer. Cancer Research received £2 million pounds in 48 hours last month according to the Independent. Since this flood of bare faces...
Read
Silent Movie Makeup
I had rather grand ideas about doing a sage and well informed makeup tutorial. However, when I started talking to my camera I realised that I sounded like a 5-star fool. I've created a video that's more like a slapstick silent movie than a slick and professional...
Read
Blood Orange
One of the big beauty trends for spring summer this year is orange lipstick, which I'm somewhat obsessed with. Orange lips were all over the runways; from Prabal Gurung to Dolce and Gabbana, the makeup artists were working an orange lip. I dutifully trundled down...
Read
Mellow Yellow
Last week I was on a shoot and whenever I'm sat in a makeup artist's chair I make it my business to have a good snoop over their kit and pick their brain about their favourite products. I love looking at the extensive array of intricate tools and rainbow...
Read
Nailing Christmas
Christmas is expensive. Fact. I'm rather a fan of the festive season but I usually overspend which results with an alarming credit card bill. Not only do I go bananas buying presents, but with Christmas socialising and new clothes that I inevitably splurge on, I'm...
Read
Charlotte Tilbury: from Youtube to Yourface
I'm a champion procrastinator, I've whiled away many an unproductive but happy hour watching videos on YouTube and browsing for vintage clothes on eBay. My favourite videos on Youtube either involve Honey Badgers, full grown men re-creating the conversations of a...
Read